


not wings or film reels they're forearms

by ShyAudacity



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crying, Derek Comes Back, Derek Needs Therapy, Derek Needs a Hug, Derek-centric, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt Derek, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possessed Derek, Possession, Self-Harm, Sort Of, Stiles Stilinski Takes Care Of Derek Hale, Stiles and Derek were dating before he left, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tell me if I missed anything, Withdrawal, honestly though he does, it doesn't really matter what by but he was possessed, sort of follows canon but also not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 13:50:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12133845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyAudacity/pseuds/ShyAudacity
Summary: When Derek wakes up cradled against Stiles’ chest, he’s sure that he killed someone.When he opens his eyes, everything is foggy, like trying to see underwater. As far as Derek can tell, his head is in the crook of Stiles’ elbow, the same way that a parent holds a newborn child.“Hey,” Stiles says quietly. “I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up… you had us worried there for a while. You’ve been out for a few hours.”ORDerek comes back to town after having been possessed and he tries to hurt himself. Trigger Warnings in the tags.





	not wings or film reels they're forearms

**Author's Note:**

> It's not specified but the beginning of this takes place on Derek's couch in the loft.
> 
> Unbeta'd and title from Bill Moran's "Heirloom."

When Derek wakes up cradled against Stiles’ chest, he’s sure that he killed someone.

The more that he comes to his senses, he begins to realize how much his body actually hurts; it’s like he’s been hit by a truck. He tries to curl into the touch, to press himself into the warmth radiating off the body holding him; this movement only makes him feel as though his ribcage is on fire. When he opens his eyes, everything is foggy, like trying to see under water. As far as Derek can tell, his head is in the crook of Stiles’ elbow, the same way that a parent holds a newborn child.

“Hey,” Stiles says quietly. “I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up… you had us worried there for a while. You’ve been out for a few hours.”

 _Us. Shit._ **_Shit_.**

He remembers now, the earlier events of the day coming back to him in fragments. It replays itself in his head like stop motion pictures, but he remembers the emotions tied to the moments.

_Derek drives his Toyota out into the middle of the woods._

_Derek digs his claws into the skin of his arm in an attempt to rid himself of the feeling that he isn’t in control of his body._

_Derek watches a baby blue Jeep pull up beside his truck, Stiles, Scott, and Isaac all scrambling to get out._

_Derek sees Scott running towards him as he himself takes a head first reverse swan dive off the edge of the preserve and into the ravine._

“Deaton said it was like you were going through some sort of withdrawal. That’s why you weren’t in total control of your body.”

 _But I was_ he thinks to himself _I knew exactly what I was doing when I jumped_.

He has to close his eyes when he finally musters up the courage to ask the burning question on his mind.

“Did I kill anyone?”

“No, not as far as we could tell. I mean, Scott’s a little banged up, but he’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

Derek shudders in relief. A foreign whine leaves his throat before he can stop it; he didn’t think he still knew how to make that kind of sound.

A warm, slightly calloused, but gentle hand smooths itself over the side of his head.

“Hey, shh, sweetheart, it’s okay. Everyone is fine, everything is fine. Nothing is gonna hurt you here. Not while you’re with me, alright?”

_You don’t get it. I don’t know where I’ve been for the last six months. I barely remember the last year. I left you. Fuck. I was gonna leave you again. I tried to die. I wanted to die. I still want to die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be here._

What he actually says out loud is: “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no, don’t apologize. I don’t want you to be sorry. We just-… you were gone for a long time; we didn’t hear from you much after you left town. All of us were just worried about you, you know? I don’t know about everyone else… but I missed you a lot.”

Derek nods minutely. His body is growing heavier and heavier by the second, he can feel himself drifting back into sleep. He can feel Stiles arms tighten around him.

“Get some sleep, Derek,” He says softly. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

***

_Derek feels like his brain is on fire. He hasn’t been lucid this long in over a year and it’s starting to panic him. He’s so used to only having a few minutes at a time, maybe ten at the most. It’s always just long enough to figure out where he’s at, what he’s state he’s in this time._

_He doesn’t have a name for It, but something has been controlling him. All he knows is that It’s been using his body to hurt people, people who have done seemingly nothing wrong. It made him into even more of a monster than he already was. He wants so badly for all of this to be over… for everything, all of this pain to just stop._

_Derek feels as though he’s floating as he drives his car out into the middle of the preserve. He’s just lucky that It brought him back to his home town, to somewhere that he’s familiar with. It’s a miracle that he’d the loft, that his things were still there. To him, none of it seems to be real, he’s not even sure that he’s real right now. That’s why he’s here in the middle of the woods, trying to prove his theory._

_He can’t shake the feeling that It still has a hold on him. Derek digs his claws into the skin of his arm in an attempt to rid himself of the feeling that he isn’t in control of his body. Blood runs down his forearm, but no pain comes; he’s practically numb. He doesn’t want to be like this, not anymore. even if it wasn’t technically him, he hurt people. His head spins as the sound of an old engine gets closer and closer._

_Blearily, Derek turns around and watches a baby blue Jeep pull up beside his truck, Stiles, Scott, and Isaac all scrambling to get out. All of them advance toward him with Scott in front, holding his hands out in defense._

_“Derek.” Scott says gruffly. “Man, listen to me. We want to help you alright? Just back away from the edge and we’ll figure this out. You don’t need to do this.”_

_Derek shakes his head uncontrollably, covering his ears with hands, trying to block out the sound. This isn’t happening right now, Scott isn’t here, none of them are here, this is all a trick. He looks over his shoulder, spots the shallow creek below him in the ravine. He knows what he has to do, Derek has to free himself. It’s the only way that all of this will end._

_He turns back to his pack for moment, mumbling under his breath._

_“Forgive me.”_

_The last thing Derek sees is Scott running towards him as he himself takes a head first reverse swan dive off the edge of the preserve and into the ravine. Just before he hits the rocky ground, he can hear Stiles from up above screaming bloody murder, and for a moment Derek thinks that this wasn’t a good idea._

Derek jerks awake as the dream ends. He sits up realizing two things. 1) Nothing hurts. 2) He’s in his bed at the loft, and everything smells vaguely like Stiles. The more he wakes up, the more memories comes back to him, from just after he’d jumped.

From his state of half consciousness, he remembers trembling hands cradling his face and someone for Scott to do something. He remembers being in the back seat of the Jeep, Isaac begging him over and over again to not die on him, saying how much everyone needs him. The last thing remembers before he’d fully blacked out is Stiles kissing his forehead and whispering in his ear, begging him not to give up just yet.

Derek grips the blankets in his fists, his chest heaving as the realization of what he’d almost done comes back to him. When he looks up, Stiles is standing a few feet away. He’s obviously trying to give Derek his space, but he looks like he’s just barely stopping himself from running over and hugging Derek with all his might.

“Hey… do you want some company?”

Derek gives a half nod, already feeling his chin trembling. Stiles is there next to him in a second, slinking his arm around Derek’s shoulder’s, not an inch of space between them on the bed. Derek sinks into it, not even thinking about it before he hugs Stiles around the waist. He hides his face in Stiles collar bone; small, rapid gasps leaving his mouth as he cries.

“I did- I didn’t-.” Derek tries, but Stiles shushes him.

“I know, but you’re okay now.”

_I’m not. I still want to die. I don’t know how to do this. How do people live like this? How do people live for years with all of this guilt?_

If at all possible, Derek holds onto Stiles even tighter.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I won't, baby, I won't.” Stiles says sincerely. “I’m gonna stay right here and cause all kinds of trouble. I’m not done annoying you yet, and you’re not done either… not if I have anything to say about it.”

Derek cracks a small smile through his tears. For one small, fleeting moment, he’s so lucky that he’s still alive.

**Author's Note:**

> It's two AM and I'm getting emotional about the show ending next week. 
> 
> Hey, thanks for reading! I think this is going to be the last Teen Wolf fic that I write. I haven't felt inspired by this show in months, I haven't been reading Teen Wolf fanfics as much as I used to either. I'm surprised that I even finished this fic. I love this show, I really do, but I just don't see myself writing about it anymore. Thanks to everyone who has ever read any of my other Teen Wolf fics, it means the world to me, it really does. Thanks again for reading, I hope you have a great day.
> 
> P.S. If you like Riverdale, you should check out my fics.


End file.
